Marriage visa or love? What was he looking for on this coffee shop date?
When you are in an unhappy marriage or relationship, you might turn to dating apps to fish for different options. But it’s important to watch for the signs that a potential date may actually already be attached to someone else.
There was one week where I was getting asked out quite a bit and in the blur of all those men I became a little blind to the signs. One of the guys asked me to meet him and since I thought he looked pretty good, I agreed. But the night of our scheduled date, I noticed a ring on his finger in one of his pictures. I sent him a text asking if he was married. He didn’t deny it, but said it was for visa purposes and said he would explain further in person. Out of total curiosity (and against my better judgment) I went ahead with the date.
The minute he walked into the coffee shop, I knew I wasn’t interested. First impressions matter. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with him. But the first thing you think when you see a person isn’t, “Oh wow they must have a nice personality.” Attraction is an instinct and sometimes it just can’t be justified.
We sat and chatted and he explained his whole immigration status of marrying this girl to get a work permit and that they weren’t really in love anymore, even though at first they really were trying to make the marriage work.
I knew this wasn’t going anywhere, so after a little while, I told him I needed to head home. He walked me to my car and I quickly said bye and left. Two seconds later, “beep beep” on the phone. The text message read, “You are very attractive.” To which I responded a simple, “Thank you.”
He replied, “You left so quickly, I didn’t get a chance to tell you goodbye the way I wanted to.” He continued, “I wanted to hold you in my arms.”
Flashbacks occurred with that simple sentence. My heart broke when I remembered how the man from my past use to tell me that same thing.
I told the visa seeker that I didn’t think this was going to work because I was still not over someone else and that him telling me he wanted to hold me, only reminded me of him more.
All these dates make me realise that for some reason I am just not over Mr. H even though he left me without a word and hasn’t come back chasing me. It hurts, but I know I wasn’t in the right frame of mind when we were together and he didn’t see me in my best light. It is very annoying and upsetting to still care for someone who broke your heart, but as they say, sometimes the heart wants what it wants.