You Married Someone from the Motherland

You Married Someone from the Motherland-Zardozi-Magazine

London’s Aneesa of Instagram’s ibreatheshoes is usually posting dreamy photos of her coveted shoes and style. But in this story, she gets raw about the judgement some South Asian women face when they marry someone from the motherland.

Why are so many South Asians ashamed of their culture and their country? It makes me so sad. You never ever hear anyone from any other country being ashamed of going back home to marry someone from their home country. It’s only us. What is wrong with us? Why do we feel like saying, “she married a guy from back home.” Is this something to look down on? Why are we ashamed?

I know so many people from Spain, Africa, Turkey, Italy, Australia and China who happily and proudly say that their husbands are from their home countries without even a second thought. They will rant and rave about the big beautiful wedding they had back home with their exotic in-laws, dripping in colour and culture. It’s just us (not all, but a lot) who have this disgusting mentality that for some reason marrying someone from our home country is something to be ashamed of, or a last resort, or inferior to someone from here. How sad.

Pakistan is so beautiful, the people there are so beautiful, the culture is beautiful and they have pretty much everything that we have in the United Kingdom, so what is there to look down on? The education is amazing, the men back home are generally a thousand times more manly, skilled, hardworking and knowledgeable, than a lot of the mollycoddled, spoiled, “never read a book in their life” boys that get raised here. So what’s the problem? They have an accent? But their English grammar is probably better than yours too.

What is the difference between a girl liking someone, and clicking with someone, who lives in Pakistan compared to someone who lives here? It’s so sad that these days European girls seem to be more accepting of men from our country than we are.

When you say “she just married a guy from back home,” are you insinuating that she didn’t find someone she actually liked and clicked with and chose to marry them? Because marrying someone from back home and being forced to marry someone you don’t like are two totally different things and the latter has nothing to do with the country they are from – that happens in every country. It’s a forced marriage and would be wrong whether the guy was from Pakistan, India, Japan or Toronto. If they chose to marry someone they liked who just happened to be from Pakistan, what’s the problem? Please explain because I don’t get it.

I know people who have full on lied to friends about where their husband is from because they were so ashamed of saying they married a “freshie.” Would you still class him as that if he was from China or Mexico? Because technically that would still be a “freshie.” But no you class him as that because he is from Pakistan or India, the same place you are from and your ancestors are from but you have a problem saying your husband is from there, which is sad for both you and him. He’s a good man, he treats you well and you chose to marry him, but you’re ashamed of his background.

I get if maybe you don’t want to tell nosy little busy bodies where your husband is from, you want to keep things private, but full on lying about it is so sad and looking down on other people for it? Even sadder.

I also get that people have their preferences, you personally might not want to marry someone from Pakistan. I personally can not speak Urdu very well so I have always felt like I just couldn’t marry someone whose most comfortable first language was Urdu and whose family would maybe speak no English, but that’s my preference. If I made a conscious decision to marry someone I liked from Pakistan, I would love for someone to try to make any kind of snide remarks. Yes he is. His beautiful, chocolate, smart, strong, manliness is from my home country.

I hope anyone else who thinks it is something to be looked down upon re-evaluates their life and realises how pathetic they seem for being ashamed of the people from their own country. I hope you include your own dad, granddad and uncles in your generalisations, I’m sure they would be so happy to know how much you love where they come from.

And if you are someone who has ever been made to feel inferior for marrying back home, then I hope you know that I love you. I love you for not giving a shit about what people might say or what people might think. I love you for following your heart, staying true to yourself, loving your country, not letting small minded ignorance affect your decisions and knowing that where someone comes from doesn’t make them any less than anyone else. Many things can make someone a better husband or wife for you than someone else, but having a red passport is not and should never be, one of them.

Did you marry someone from the motherland? What type of reaction did you experience?

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